I know I’m always like, “Oh my gosh, my husband is so cute! Ah! I love him!”
And it’s true, he is. And I do.
But what I would never want you to think is that our marriage is perfect, or easy.
I’m married to a sweet man who loves me very much and is an amazing father to our son, but we work really hard at loving each other because, I’m telling you, that’s what we have to do. (If anyone tells you marriage is never hard work, they are lying to you and should be flogged in the public square. ”Boo! Boo! Bow to the Queen of Rubbish! The Queen of Slime! The Queen of Filth!”)
Anyway, because I’m always writing about how much I love Simon and how wonderful he is, I realize it sometimes sounds like we never argue or fight, and so, just to clear things up, I’d like to present you with the following list of things we’ve argued about. (Those marked with an “R” are recurring arguments we’ve had more than 10 times.)
1. Simon’s used earplugs, which I find in our bed, under our bed, in the bathroom, on my dresser, etc. (R)
2. My tendency to leave dirty dishes on the kitchen counter for days. DAYS. (R)
3. Simon’s trail of baby powder footprints, which tell me exactly where he walked after his shower the night before. (R)
4. Simon’s Pepsi Max habit. (R)
5. My olive habit. (R)
6. Simon’s Mars Bar habit. (R)
7. My straighteners being left on all day/overnight, or being hung over the radiator. (R)
8. Simon coming home from work at 5:30 instead of 5:20.
9. My growing collection of water glasses beside our bed.
10. Simon’s growing collection of dirty tissues beside our bed.
11. How many seconds Simon should hug me in order for me to feel properly cuddled.
12. How many times times we’ve each cleaned our bathroom. (hint: I don’t know actually know where we keep the bathroom cleaning spray.)
13. Whose turn it is to get up with Adlai at 5:30am. (R)
14. Money. (Surprisingly, this is not much of a recurring argument, which I attribute to Simon’s amazing budget.)
15. Where we actually keep my mixing bowls/the saucepans/the matches/the broom/various other household items. (R)
Of course, we fight about some big stuff occasionally, too, but y’all can’t expect me to tell you everything. I’m bound to start a fight.