I’ll admit it, there are some things I miss about working 9 to 5: seeing some great friends every day, my salary, and – I’ll admit it – the prestige of being a magazine editor.
Know what I don’t miss?
That Sunday Evening Feeling.
Right now, it’s after midnight, and I’ve had a glass of wine and a piece of (my special homemade) Mixed Berry Pie. I’m watching King of Queens and have written notes to good friends who’ve done some nice things for me over the last week. I’ve emailed two people who’ve asked about rates for doing some PR for them, and I’ve folded my laundry.
What I haven’t done is a) cry*, b) panic, or c) spend the last six hours sighing heavily.
Losing my job may just be the best thing that’s happened to me in quite a long time.
*unless you count the sneaky tears I shed over that Hallmark commercial, when the mom slips a card in the busy dad’s jacket pocket, and he comes back in and says, “I love you too.” Brilliant.
Filed under a change will do you good, dreams and realities, workin' it
And now this song is stuck in my head, but that’s not a bad thing. At all. I love her.
Just two and a half more days left as the editor of skirt! Magazine and it’s all very surreal. I’m so busy planning our first birthday party (ironically. Wait – is it ironic? Let me consult my dictionary…and not Alanis Morissette, who, although well-meaning, got the whole ironic thing terribly wrong, misinforming an entire generation), writing stories for Carolina Bride, and finishing up the last issue of skirt!, that I’ve thus far neglected necessary things like cleaning out my desk, gathering my clips and tear sheets for my portfolio, and recording all my contacts.
I’m looking forward to Tuesday, now, when this will all be over and I can breathe a great big sigh of relief. When something’s coming to an end – even if it’s something really good – it often gets to the point where you’re just ready for that end to come so you can move on to the next thing.
There are so many things I need to get on with in preparation for the next season of life, and for you faithful people who so graciously read Great Smitten, be on the lookout for a switchover to a new url – greatsmitten.com – a new design (wee!), and some new features.
Thank you for the prayers, emails, comments, and encouragement. In a time when I could so easily be discouraged and feel insecure about my skills, God has really been showering encouragement on me through people around me, and it only confirms what I suspected: He is at work, and has gone ahead of us, preparing the way.
Filed under a change will do you good, learning, workin' it
The Peace that passes all understanding remains: I know that being laid off on Monday was God’s answer to my pleas for direction. When people say, “Oh Faith, I’m so sorry,” I feel a bit guilty. I thank them, but I tell them I’m fine. I wonder if they think I’m in denial.
A strange emotion hit me Wednesday. Disappointment. I suppose I should have expected it. I have worked so hard to make skirt! great. I worked to improve my writing, and learned to take photos when my photographer was moved to another department. My boss, B, kept saying, “Faith, these photos are looking amazing. I’m so proud of you.” I planned events, working with local restaurants and our advertisers to come up with drink specials, themes, giveaways; working with my designer to create fun, attention-grabbing collateral. I blogged faithfully on raleigh.skirt.com, and was recognized at January’s skirt! summit as the second most popular blogging editor in the nation – second only to Atlanta, whose circulation exceeds ours by 70,000.
What hit Thursday was a feeling that I’d worked so hard, stretched myself to the limit, for nothing. I felt deflated. But, after talking to K, my lovely friend and skirt! sales rep, I realized that it hasn’t been for nothing. I have grown and learned things I never would have learned otherwise. My confidence has grown by leaps and bounds.
I’m thinking back to a time, a few weeks ago, when I left a meeting with the marketing director of a tapas lounge where we were planning our monthly skirt! After Work event. It was a new venue for us, and we were meeting to discuss the logistics, including what we expected from the restaurant. I remember dialing K’s number as soon as I walked out of that meeting, desperate to share my excitement. ”I feel amazing,” I said. ”I just realized how much I’ve grown. A year ago, I was timid in these situations. Today, I spoke with resolve, with confidence.”
My hard work hasn’t been for nothing. The truth is, it’s been for something bigger than the success of a magazine. I can’t wait to see what that is.
Filed under a change will do you good, learning, workin' it
I was worried Monday morning. Not because of anything work-related; just because I’d scheduled a dentist appointment, and the last check-up I had resulted in a root canal. Thankfully, this appointment was much more successful. I got flossed, cleaned, and polished, and the hygienist told me I practice good homecare. She said I have beautiful teeth.
I left the dentist and headed to work. Well, first, I went to McDonald’s and bought a sausage McMuffin and a cup of coffee. The McMuffin was delicious; the coffee was old. (I’ve since emailed the Mickey D’s hq to complain, and am watching the mail for free coffee vouchers.) I hopped on the interstate and headed to work.
I arrived at the office at about 10:20, and L, my designer, whispered to me as I set my bag down, “JD got laid off this morning.”
“What?! JD?!” The N&O’s user support manager and a friend of ours, JD is a commodity here. I didn’t see that one coming. We knew layoffs were coming in the next couple of weeks, but I wasn’t expecting them Monday morning. I wasn’t expecting JD to go.
I saw M crying in her office and my chest tightened. Not M. Our creative director, she’s worked here for 18 years. She’s 58, has a grown son and a daughter in college. Her husband died suddenly three years ago.
I sat down at my computer and began to check my 54 emails. I opened a document to begin typing skirt!‘s May calendar. I heard the quick, light footsteps of S, the magazine department director. I heard her coming into our office, coming toward my cubicle…and then I felt the touch of her hand on my shoulder. “Faith, can I see you in my office for a moment?”
No. Way. Me?
I knew then, before I ever walked up the stairs onto her floor; before I ever stepped into her office and sat in one of her rigid metal and cloth chairs; before J, the VP of our department, ever looked at me with bleary, red, eyes.
It was all very surreal, as J began his speech, a bit choked up, “Faith, this is not personal. It has nothing to do with your performance…” I nodded and said that I knew. I can’t remember what else they said, but I remember nodding, and I remember hugging them both, and saying, “Don’t worry about me.”
You see, Sunday night, before all this happened, I got that panicky Sunday evening feeling I always get. In anticipation of the stress of work, I feel uneasy, and a sense of urgency that things have to change. I cried at our kitchen table, Simon read some scripture to me while tears ran down my cheeks. We prayed at the table, then moved to the floor, to our knees, finally lying prostrate on our hardwood floors…silent but for the whispers of “Jesus….please…”
He didn’t speak loudly to me, as I had hoped. I didn’t hear him say, “Move to Charlotte/Greensboro/Winston-Salem/New York/London.” But I felt peace come over me. And Monday morning, it all made sense.
So, when S and J were finished telling me that my job was eliminated, I thanked them for their sensitivity. I told them not to worry, that Simon and I had been praying, and this was obviously an answer. I hugged them, went back to my desk, grabbed my things, and drove home to digest the news. In shock, but also breathing more easily than I have in months…
My last day is April 21…watch this space as I walk through the emotions of this new experience.
Filed under a change will do you good, learning, workin' it
