Tag Archives: marriage

The Perfect Storm

A few days ago, I referred to my marriage as “happy” and “hard-working.”  It’s important to me that none of you ever think that by a “happy marriage,” I mean one without tears or arguments or hardship.  In reality, I think that expectations for a happy marriage that looks like that are what lead a lot of couples to breakdown.  When a marriage hits rough waters, if you’re not prepared, it’d be easy to think: “This is not a happy marriage.  Loving someone shouldn’t be this hard.”

But in truth?  Loving someone is that hard.

I’ve written before about things Simon and I argue about – about who cleans the bathroom and whose turn it is to get up with Adlai.  And it’s true, we’ve had some knock-down drag-outs over those things.  There are big fights, too, about bigger issues, but you won’t ever find me writing here about those.  It’s not out of dishonesty, or a desire to present this life as something more beautiful than it is.  If anything, our big battles have added to the beauty, because we’ve made it through them, still holding on.

And that’s what a “happy, hard-working” marriage looks like. Like a boat, battered and wind-blown, but with two haggard sailors still inside, resting and peaceful because they’ve navigated the perfect storm of money and in-laws and insecurity and anger, and have found the sun still shining on the other side.

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Lessons in Marital Communication #312

This is a recurring conversation in our house.

 

Me: Simon, it’s “Coldplay IS a band.”  Not “Coldplay ARE a band.”  Singular.  They are ONE band.

Simon: Wrong.  They are a band.

Me: Excuse me.  I think I know.  I have a degree in English.

Simon: Faith, I am English.

 

Don’t tell him I said so, but he has a point.

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On anniversaries, continued.

On April 7, 2007, I said “I do” to my English gentleman in a tent in the backyard of my parents’ big white farmhouse.

Yesterday we celebrated with pain au chocolats for breakfast, lunch at our favorite pub, coffee at our neighborhood coffee shop, and my homemade chicken pot pie and a movie on the sofa (we love food).

It’s been a roller coaster over the last four years – living on both sides of the Atlantic, working (and getting laid off from) several different jobs, and giving birth to our little boy.

But everybody knows roller coasters are meant to be ridden with your best friend.

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How to Rope an Englishman: Part Six

Need to catch up?  Read:

Part Un: Derek*

Part Deux: Getting It

Part Trois: Mrs. Adventure

Part Quatre: Back-Row Baptists

Part Cinq: Fat Stanley

Part Six: A Voice, but not a voice

The night Simon gave me his CD, Sara and I went to the pub and hung out with him and his housemates.  He bought me a drink and made me laugh, and I told him I really, really liked his music.

A few days later, we were with some friends a few blocks from my house, when I gathered my things up and said, “It’s getting late…I think I’ll head home.”

It was dark, but I was 21 and a bit braver/stupider than I am now.

“I’ll walk you,” Simon said.

“Oh…right…okay.  Cool.”

We put our coats on and made our way down the dark promenade, past the beach, round the corner, and down my road – which was really just an alleyway.  We talked the whole way, and when we got to my door, I asked Simon if he wanted to come in for a few minutes.

“…for a glass of water?”

“Yes, please.”

I got us both a glass, and we sat across from one another in my living room, taking gulps and swallowing loudly.

He asked me some questions about North Carolina, and laughed when I told him about the high school I went to where boys rode tractors to school and thousands of people showed up at Friday night football games.

“Sounds like a film,” he said.

“Hmm, maybe,” I answered.  “Except less glamorous, and more boring.”

We were quiet for a moment, and he took a long sip of water.

“You know,” he finally said.  “It’s weird how I don’t know a lot about your past, and you don’t know a lot about mine.  But I feel kind of…connected to you.”

“Yeah,” I nodded, looking nervously into my glass.

“Anyway,” he took a deep breath. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too.”

He stood up and handed me his glass.

“Thanks for the drink.  I should go home.  See you tomorrow at uni?”

“Yeah, definitely.  That’ll be good.”

I walked him to the door and leaned against the frame while he stepped out into the crisp October air.  I could see his breath in the alleyway against the light from a lamppost across the street.

“Thanks again, Faith.  See you later.”

“Alright, yeah.  See you.”

I watched him walk down the alley, back to where we had come from.  His black hair was shimmering with mist, and he was wearing the big camel-colored toggle coat he always wore then (and for two winters after).  He turned around one last time to flash another smile at me, and I smiled back.

It was then that I heard it.  A voice, but not a voice.  Maybe clearer than a voice.

“This is the one I have for you.”

Clear as day.

And I knew.

Just like that.

He turned the corner and disappeared into the night, and I closed the door and ran upstairs to my room, where I dropped to my knees and told God I heard.

Where I asked if it was true.

Where He stamped it onto my heart – a deep imprint for me to come back to over the coming days, weeks, months, while I waited for the man I was falling in love with to realize he loved me too.

_________________

Part Sept: Hurry Up and Wait

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Lessons in Marital Communication #73

Last night, via email:

Dear Mr. Dwight,

I am writing in reference to the Simon Dwight/Faith Dwight September 2010
Budget.  Please consider this a formal request to reapply £20 to the
furniture line of the budget, so that I can buy my child a cot to sleep in
and/or a changing table on which to change his dirty nappies.  Thank you
for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Faith Dwight
writer | editor
www.faithdwight.com

A couple of hours later…

Dear Ms Dwight,

Thank you for your email inquiry. We aim to respond to all inquiries
within 10 working days.

This is an automated email. Please do not respond to this address.

Kind regards,
Dwight Budgeting

For a Dwighter Future

How did I find someone as dorky as me?

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How I Met Your Father

At least once a month, someone asks me how Great Smitten became Great Smitten.  That is, how a girl from a town of 3,000 found herself an English gentleman.  It’s a long story, but dangit, it’s a good one.

That’s why, starting next week, you’ll be able to find my love story mapped out in serial form here at Great Smitten.  From beginning to end.  With all the romance and horror and language-barrier-confusion you could ever hope for in a story about a girl who grew up in North Carolina and a boy who grew up in North London.

Part I starts Monday.  Don’t miss it.

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“When they wanna see how true love should be…”

“…they’ll just look at us.”


*Photography by Ashley Perry.

**song lyrics courtesy of Vince Gill, my 11-year-old self’s favorite country singer.

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Faith is in love…

…with her husband.

…and with this.

Simon and I never had engagement photos taken before we married in April ’07, because I was here in North Carolina, planning our wedding, and he was in England, preparing us a home.  So, needless to say, I was absolutely delighted for the sweet and talented Ashley Perry to take some pictures of us this week – two and a half years later. 

I feel like she really captured us.

More to come soon.  Meanwhile, I’ll be here, drooling over the rest.

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I love what you love.

Just when I think I’ve learned all there is to know about marriage…

Ha.

I’m a lover of the way God set up marriage to model his relationship with us.  I’ve seen so many parallels between my relationship as a believer with God and my relationship as a wife to Simon…but it’s amazing that I seem to find a new one on a daily basis.

Simon left for work early this morning, and I’ve been puttering around the house, making coffee, taking a shower.  I just came and sat on our sofa, and found his Bible open to Jeremiah, and the computer with the BBC Football page still open from last night, when he was checking the scores (as he does every evening).  I smiled a little smile and felt all warm and fuzzy inside, thinking about my husband doing the things he loves.  And then I started thinking: I love the things he loves, just because he loves them.

Since we began dating, he has introduced me to bands I’d never listened to before.  Because of him, I now listen to Manic Street Preachers and Ryan Adams and even Antony and the Johnsons.  I watch football (that’s soccer and, by the way, not fütbol.  When English people play it, it’s football.  Gah).  A LOT of football.  And I like Watford, because Simon likes them, (but mostly I like Arsenal).  I’ve also fallen in love with films like Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead, and James Bond and Indiana Jones.  Because he loves them.  And because I love him, I love what he loves.  Things that weren’t appealing to me become beautiful, because the heart I love, loves them.

See where I’m going with this?

It occurred to me this morning, sitting here, thinking about how I love football because Simon loves football, that my relationship with God is like that.  I love Him.  And He loves the poor and meek and broken and hurting.  He loves the orphan and the widow.  He loves the sick and hungry.  He loves Truth, and Justice, and Loyalty, and Compassion.  And if I love Him, shouldn’t I love those things – the things He loves – as well?

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You’ll know when you know.

RSCN9075

A few years ago, a friend of mine told me that when she laid in bed at night, beside her husband, she could almost feel electricity between them.  ”Energy,” she said, “without trying to sound New Age-y.  But it’s like energy.  That’s how meant-to-be we are.”

I liked the sound of that.

And it’s true: in the days before I married Simon (and the days after, mind you), I finally knew what it was to know.  My mama always said I would.  I remember writing to him – as we did then, when I was in North Carolina, planning our wedding, and he was in England preparing a home for us – and saying, “I know, that I know, that I know, that I know, that you are the man I am supposed to spend my life loving.”

It felt good then, to know.  It still feels good.  But two and half years into this thing, and sometimes what I love most about marriage has very little to do with sparks and electricity.  At this point, what I really love is the security that comes with waking up every morning beside a man who has seen me at my very worst.  He has watched me throw temper tantrums to rival the worst-behaved three-year-old you know; heard me gasping and heaving, sick with the flu; seen me with zits so gargantuan they seem to be pulsing with my heartbeat; watched me crumble to the ground with fear and anxiety, out of breath, out of faith.  And still, he chooses, every day, to love me.

Whatever I thought I knew before, pales in comparison to what I know now.

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