Since Simon and I got married, it has been our constant prayer that our life would glorify God, and that it would never – ever – be boring.
There are days, like yesterday, when part of me would like to take that prayer back.
We told our landlady back in April, when I got laid off, that if she found someone who’d like to rent our house, we’d move out before our lease is up at the end of June. We thought we could move in with my parents for a couple of months to save some money and figure out where we’re headed from here. We hadn’t heard much, but then two nights ago, when we returned from helping our friends Steve and Sarah settle into their new home in Winston-Salem, we had a message from her saying she’d found someone, if we were still interested.
Our first reaction was, “No, that’s too soon. We’re not ready.”
But then we thought about it. We’re going to England for two weeks in June, and to the beach with friends for a week. Three weeks out of June we won’t even be here, and then we’ll move out after that – so what’s the point of paying rent? Not much.
In the meantime, we’d decided next week would be the best time for the visit to England we’ve been craving. So now we’re moving this weekend, and leaving for England on Thursday. We’re having a good clean-out and throwing loads away. And we’ve got friends coming in from out of town this weekend (to watch the FA Cup Final), so you’d better believe we’ll be recruiting them to pack boxes after the match.
Yeah, it’s pretty chaotic.
But we asked for it.
Ever prayed a prayer you wanted to take back?
(ps – Interested in buying an organ?)
Filed under a change will do you good, England, home, marriage, seasons, the joys of moving
Simon told me a few weeks ago he didn’t think we were giving away enough money. We’ve been concerned about our financial situation -like everyone else – but I knew he was right. So we started to write bigger checks at church, to give to another charity, even to leave larger tips when we go out to eat (which isn’t often, mind you).
You’d think money would be tighter than ever, but something strange has happened.
The more we give, the more we have.
We lost tens of thousands of dollars of income a few weeks ago, but our finances are less stretched than they’ve been in months. We’re not rich, but we’re okay. Granted, there is the decrease in my driving, but this is more than that.
I don’t know why I’m surprised. It’s right here in God’s word:
“Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.” Luke 6:38 (NLT)
…and here:
“Let the eagerness you showed in the beginning be matched now by your giving. Give in proportion to what you have. Whatever you give is acceptable if you give it eagerly. And give according to what you have, not what you don’t have. Of course, I don’t mean your giving should make life easy for others and hard for yourselves. I only mean that there should be some equality. Right now you have plenty and can help those who are in need. Later, they will have plenty and can share with you when you need it. In this way, things will be equal.” 2 Corinthians 8:11-14 (NLT)
It seems that Luke was talking mainly about giving away forgiveness and grace in that first passage, but based on other verses, like the second, I believe he was talking about generosity of all kinds.
I’ve seen God do this before.
A few years ago, when I broke up with Simon and returned to the US from England, some of my good friends invited me to move in with them. They didn’t have an extra bedroom, but there were doors on their dining room, and they asked me if I’d like to make it my room. I happily accepted, feeling that moving back in with my parents wasn’t the right step for me during a confusing time.
I worked as a waitress (because I was quickly learning an English degree doesn’t actually qualify you for anything), and money was tight. I had enough to pay my small share of the rent, but anything beyond that was a struggle. I was even embarrassed one Sunday as a friend walked in on me taking a few cans from the food closet at our church – a resource that was there for just that reason.
But I had never been there before. I had never been that person.
One Sunday, a few weeks later, there was a visiting pastor from a mission in Haiti…an orphanage. He told about the children there, whom he and a few other workers struggled to care for. Most of them had no shoes, only one set of clothes, and only a few meals every week. He asked the people of the church to help. I scribbled on my bulletin, tuning out his pleas, disappointed that I couldn’t help; that I had no money. I was there, on the pew, feeling sorry for myself, when something like a voice, but not a voice, said, “Give.”
What? Give what? I have nothing.
“Give.”
Slowly, I reached into my handbag and pulled out my checkbook. I opened it, glancing around to see where the offering plate was. I began to scribble out a check…a small number I thought my feeble bank account might just be able to handle.
“More.”
I thought of a slightly higher number, and began to write it.
“More.”
More? Are you serious? I can’t give more. I don’t have more.
Just then, I saw the usher hand the plate to the man at the end of my row.
Fine, I said, as I scribbled down an amount I knew I didn’t have, and dropped the check into the plate as it passed. Fine. Have it your way. But this check is going to bounce.
Do I really have to tell you that check didn’t bounce? Do I have to tell you that I paid my rent that month, and didn’t starve to death? That friends shared food with me and bought my meals? That I’m still here? Still thriving? Still holding my breath as I try to obey every time he whispers “more“?
I tell you this not to brag about my own giving, but to boast in God’s faithfulness.
He will not let you down.
Filed under a change will do you good, being afraid, learning, money, spirituality
I’ll admit it, there are some things I miss about working 9 to 5: seeing some great friends every day, my salary, and – I’ll admit it – the prestige of being a magazine editor.
Know what I don’t miss?
That Sunday Evening Feeling.
Right now, it’s after midnight, and I’ve had a glass of wine and a piece of (my special homemade) Mixed Berry Pie. I’m watching King of Queens and have written notes to good friends who’ve done some nice things for me over the last week. I’ve emailed two people who’ve asked about rates for doing some PR for them, and I’ve folded my laundry.
What I haven’t done is a) cry*, b) panic, or c) spend the last six hours sighing heavily.
Losing my job may just be the best thing that’s happened to me in quite a long time.
*unless you count the sneaky tears I shed over that Hallmark commercial, when the mom slips a card in the busy dad’s jacket pocket, and he comes back in and says, “I love you too.” Brilliant.
Filed under a change will do you good, dreams and realities, workin' it
Not only did I get a sweet new hairdo yesterday…
…things are also changin’ here at Great Smitten. Thanks to my new friend Ginny, I’ve just changed my domain name to http://www.greatsmitten.com – however, it may be 24 hours before it kicks in, so be patient.
There may be some funny growing pains as atomicblonde.wordpress.com switches over, so don’t give up if something weird happens and you can’t find me tomorrow. I’ll be here – I promise!
Why am I changing the url? Well, I just like Great Smitten better, and since the blog is called Great Smitten, I figured it only makes sense for that to be what you type in to find me. It’s all about streamlining, being less confusing, and easier for all of you to find. Like I said before, there are some other changes on the way too, so keep your eyes peeled! Now that I have time on my hands(muahahaha!), there’s no telling what might happen!
Now, speaking of my friend Ginny…
Not only does she write at Ginnyfromtheblog.com (I swear, I can’t stop singing J-Lo every time I visit this site), she also highlights what’s going on in NC’s Triangle at 30Threads.com, where she gave Great Smitten a sweet shout-out today. Thanks Ginny!
And thanks everybody for reading. Come back and see me at greatsmitten.com!
Filed under a change will do you good, web finds, workin' it
On my first day as a Lady of Leisure, I had big plans: it was gorgeous outside, and it was Earth Day, and everybody (on Twitter, on facebook, on TV) was talking about getting out and enjoying the great weather. ”Perfect!” I thought. ”What better way to spend my first day of freedom than to go outside, walk along the river and enjoy this beautiful planet we’re living on at the height of its best season?!”
When a good friend asked (via Google chat), what I was planning to do, I listed hanging out laundry on my clothesline and reading a book on my front porch. ”Brilliant!” she raved. ”I’m so jealous.”
Yeah! Awesome! Freedom!
But then, it was 4pm.
And I’d hung the laundry on the line. But mostly, I had emailed, facebooked, gchat-ed, and TVed.
“Here you are with all this freedom,” I said to myself, out loud. ”And you’ve squandered it.”
Sound familiar?
“We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered to us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” ~C.S Lewis
Filed under a change will do you good, confessions, facebook fast, learning, workin' it
I knew yesterday that it would take a while for it all to sink in. It was my last day at skirt! and Carolina Bride, and when I went in in the morning, I was stressed, as usual. I was thinking about the stuff I needed to write, who I needed to call, what I needed to get done. Stressed – on my last day.
I talked to my friend Kristin about it over sushi at lunch (mmm, Crunchy Diablo roll...), and she told me to “let it go, dude.” I pointed out that I still feel responsible for what happens – I also know it’s no longer my responsibility. Whoa.
For 14 months, the success of these two magazines has been my responsibility, and now…it’s not?
Heavy.
This morning, when I woke up, it was weird. (Granted, I’ve only been awake for about an hour – so far, unemployment is SWEET!) That’s it. No more rushing into the shower (I always rush), rushing to dry my hair, tripping out to my car as I pull on my boots, realizing I’m almost out of gas and swinging into the Citgo, realizing I skipped breakfast and swinging into Mickey Ds for a coffee and a plain english muffin, driving 40 minutes to work, realizing I forgot my deck pass and calling Kristin to come let me in, and then slinking sheepishly to my desk, hoping no one notices I’m late and makeup-less.
Yeah, Day One is not so bad.
Now, as for what to get up today, here’s what’s on my list so far:
I’m completely open after that. Any suggestions?
Filed under a change will do you good, workin' it
And now this song is stuck in my head, but that’s not a bad thing. At all. I love her.
Just two and a half more days left as the editor of skirt! Magazine and it’s all very surreal. I’m so busy planning our first birthday party (ironically. Wait – is it ironic? Let me consult my dictionary…and not Alanis Morissette, who, although well-meaning, got the whole ironic thing terribly wrong, misinforming an entire generation), writing stories for Carolina Bride, and finishing up the last issue of skirt!, that I’ve thus far neglected necessary things like cleaning out my desk, gathering my clips and tear sheets for my portfolio, and recording all my contacts.
I’m looking forward to Tuesday, now, when this will all be over and I can breathe a great big sigh of relief. When something’s coming to an end – even if it’s something really good – it often gets to the point where you’re just ready for that end to come so you can move on to the next thing.
There are so many things I need to get on with in preparation for the next season of life, and for you faithful people who so graciously read Great Smitten, be on the lookout for a switchover to a new url – greatsmitten.com – a new design (wee!), and some new features.
Thank you for the prayers, emails, comments, and encouragement. In a time when I could so easily be discouraged and feel insecure about my skills, God has really been showering encouragement on me through people around me, and it only confirms what I suspected: He is at work, and has gone ahead of us, preparing the way.
Filed under a change will do you good, learning, workin' it
The Peace that passes all understanding remains: I know that being laid off on Monday was God’s answer to my pleas for direction. When people say, “Oh Faith, I’m so sorry,” I feel a bit guilty. I thank them, but I tell them I’m fine. I wonder if they think I’m in denial.
A strange emotion hit me Wednesday. Disappointment. I suppose I should have expected it. I have worked so hard to make skirt! great. I worked to improve my writing, and learned to take photos when my photographer was moved to another department. My boss, B, kept saying, “Faith, these photos are looking amazing. I’m so proud of you.” I planned events, working with local restaurants and our advertisers to come up with drink specials, themes, giveaways; working with my designer to create fun, attention-grabbing collateral. I blogged faithfully on raleigh.skirt.com, and was recognized at January’s skirt! summit as the second most popular blogging editor in the nation – second only to Atlanta, whose circulation exceeds ours by 70,000.
What hit Thursday was a feeling that I’d worked so hard, stretched myself to the limit, for nothing. I felt deflated. But, after talking to K, my lovely friend and skirt! sales rep, I realized that it hasn’t been for nothing. I have grown and learned things I never would have learned otherwise. My confidence has grown by leaps and bounds.
I’m thinking back to a time, a few weeks ago, when I left a meeting with the marketing director of a tapas lounge where we were planning our monthly skirt! After Work event. It was a new venue for us, and we were meeting to discuss the logistics, including what we expected from the restaurant. I remember dialing K’s number as soon as I walked out of that meeting, desperate to share my excitement. ”I feel amazing,” I said. ”I just realized how much I’ve grown. A year ago, I was timid in these situations. Today, I spoke with resolve, with confidence.”
My hard work hasn’t been for nothing. The truth is, it’s been for something bigger than the success of a magazine. I can’t wait to see what that is.
Filed under a change will do you good, learning, workin' it
I was worried Monday morning. Not because of anything work-related; just because I’d scheduled a dentist appointment, and the last check-up I had resulted in a root canal. Thankfully, this appointment was much more successful. I got flossed, cleaned, and polished, and the hygienist told me I practice good homecare. She said I have beautiful teeth.
I left the dentist and headed to work. Well, first, I went to McDonald’s and bought a sausage McMuffin and a cup of coffee. The McMuffin was delicious; the coffee was old. (I’ve since emailed the Mickey D’s hq to complain, and am watching the mail for free coffee vouchers.) I hopped on the interstate and headed to work.
I arrived at the office at about 10:20, and L, my designer, whispered to me as I set my bag down, “JD got laid off this morning.”
“What?! JD?!” The N&O’s user support manager and a friend of ours, JD is a commodity here. I didn’t see that one coming. We knew layoffs were coming in the next couple of weeks, but I wasn’t expecting them Monday morning. I wasn’t expecting JD to go.
I saw M crying in her office and my chest tightened. Not M. Our creative director, she’s worked here for 18 years. She’s 58, has a grown son and a daughter in college. Her husband died suddenly three years ago.
I sat down at my computer and began to check my 54 emails. I opened a document to begin typing skirt!‘s May calendar. I heard the quick, light footsteps of S, the magazine department director. I heard her coming into our office, coming toward my cubicle…and then I felt the touch of her hand on my shoulder. “Faith, can I see you in my office for a moment?”
No. Way. Me?
I knew then, before I ever walked up the stairs onto her floor; before I ever stepped into her office and sat in one of her rigid metal and cloth chairs; before J, the VP of our department, ever looked at me with bleary, red, eyes.
It was all very surreal, as J began his speech, a bit choked up, “Faith, this is not personal. It has nothing to do with your performance…” I nodded and said that I knew. I can’t remember what else they said, but I remember nodding, and I remember hugging them both, and saying, “Don’t worry about me.”
You see, Sunday night, before all this happened, I got that panicky Sunday evening feeling I always get. In anticipation of the stress of work, I feel uneasy, and a sense of urgency that things have to change. I cried at our kitchen table, Simon read some scripture to me while tears ran down my cheeks. We prayed at the table, then moved to the floor, to our knees, finally lying prostrate on our hardwood floors…silent but for the whispers of “Jesus….please…”
He didn’t speak loudly to me, as I had hoped. I didn’t hear him say, “Move to Charlotte/Greensboro/Winston-Salem/New York/London.” But I felt peace come over me. And Monday morning, it all made sense.
So, when S and J were finished telling me that my job was eliminated, I thanked them for their sensitivity. I told them not to worry, that Simon and I had been praying, and this was obviously an answer. I hugged them, went back to my desk, grabbed my things, and drove home to digest the news. In shock, but also breathing more easily than I have in months…
My last day is April 21…watch this space as I walk through the emotions of this new experience.
Filed under a change will do you good, learning, workin' it
