Category Archives: marriage

24 Hours

35weeksBabymoon

Last Wednesday morning, we dropped Adlai off at Simon’s parents’ house and drove to Windsor, where we stayed in a beautiful old hotel for 24 hours.  To some of you, 24 hours may not seem like much of a break, but to us, well…it was heavenly.

We checked into our beautiful room, sat down at our table by the window, and stared out at the Berkshire countryside.  We did this once last year, when Adlai was about 18 months old, but I had forgotten how weird those first few minutes are when you are by yourselves and there is no toddler asking for milk or Veggie Tales or to play trains, and when there are no emails to send or dishes to wash.

Just us.

Just 24 hours of us and quiet and anything we wanted to do stretching out before us.

I picked up a Home & Garden magazine and flipped through it.  Simon read through the Guest Directory, sharing some of the highlights as he went along: “The bar’s open till 10.  It’s two miles to Windsor Castle.”

All of that took about 12 minutes.

For the rest of the 23 hours and 48 minutes, we went swimming in the hotel pool and sat in the jacuzzi (well, Simon sat in; I sat on the edge and hung my feet in so as not to cook our baby); we went out to dinner and lingered over what to order, lingered over conversations about this baby’s name, and how we’re feeling more ready, and what we’re dreaming of for the coming year; we slept till 8:30 (EIGHT-THIRTY!) and ate a huge breakfast, and drank multiple cups of coffee – slowly.

In the hotel bar, we sat by a fire and drank a beer and a ginger ale, respectively.

At the end of our 24 hours, we drove back to Simon’s parents’ house, rested (as rested as you can be at 8 months pregnant), and giddy to see our son’s smile, to hear him say our names.

24 hours.  It doesn’t sound like much, but for us, it was just enough.  In a way, it felt like God multiplied it; like the bread and fishes, he took what we could bring – one measly day, just enough money for one night away – and made it into abundance.

For us, for now, 24 hours was enough.

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Filed under England, marriage, pregnancy

The place where my hope comes from

Life could take, take every dream away
You’d still be my Risen One, the place where my hope comes from
Life could break, You’d still be my saving grace
My promise of all to come, the place where my hope comes from

-Trent, Perfect Sacrifice

At a Christmas party the other night, I sat across from a woman who has seven children.  When her youngest was eight months old, her husband left her and all of them, out of the blue.  She is Scandinavian and they were living and working in the Middle East.

Beside her at dinner was her “new” husband, whom she fell in love with several months later.  Who married her and became a father to her seven children.  They’ve been married 15 years.

Earlier that day, I’d read the story of a couple who are planning a wedding for this coming June.  He lost his daughter to cancer, and then his wife.  She is a mother of five whose marriage ended painfully.

Sometimes the thought of something tragic creeps into my imagination.  It sneaks in when I’m not ready, when my guard is down.  It’s often when Simon is late home from work and he’s riding his bike and it’s dark and icy outside.  Or when I turn my back in the park and lose sight of Adlai for a split-second.  And when these things creep in, they sit hard on my chest, and I squeeze my eyes tight and whisper, out loud, “I couldn’t go on.”

The thing that is so amazing to me about these stories?  About these women and this man?  Is that every single one of them can say, and does, “God is good.”

Oh, to know hope like that.

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Filed under confessions, learning, marriage, spirituality

Family Photos

In addition to the photo I used on Friday to show you my baby bump, my friend Sarah took quite a few more of me and Simon and Adlai while we were in North Carolina earlier this month.  What you can’t tell from these photos is that we were being eaten alive by mosquitoes – Sarah did a good job of capturing some beautiful shots between all the slapping and swearing.

Here are some of my favorites…

Also, if I’m honest, my “bump” in these photos is probably 40% due to eating too much barbecue.

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Filed under Baby, family, marriage, photography, pregnancy

His Little Wife

He calls me his little wife, but there is nothing little about me.

I am 5’10″ and 160 pounds of belly laugh and Southern drawl and running into door frames.

Out of three sisters, I was the one with the strong back.  The one who drove the tractor on the weekends and shifted furniture and dog houses and wooden sheds.

My strong back is splintered now.  Some days it can barely carry the weight of me.

When I walk beside him, I am too tall.  His arm around me is uncomfortable, because my shoulders are just this much too high.

But at night, in bed, I scoot myself down till my feet touch the footboard, and my head fits perfectly there, in the crook of his arm, on the curve of his chest.

I am little then, and little has never felt so good.

 

*photo by Ashley Perry Blevins Photography

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Filed under marriage, confessions, writing, women

The Perfect Storm

A few days ago, I referred to my marriage as “happy” and “hard-working.”  It’s important to me that none of you ever think that by a “happy marriage,” I mean one without tears or arguments or hardship.  In reality, I think that expectations for a happy marriage that looks like that are what lead a lot of couples to breakdown.  When a marriage hits rough waters, if you’re not prepared, it’d be easy to think: “This is not a happy marriage.  Loving someone shouldn’t be this hard.”

But in truth?  Loving someone is that hard.

I’ve written before about things Simon and I argue about – about who cleans the bathroom and whose turn it is to get up with Adlai.  And it’s true, we’ve had some knock-down drag-outs over those things.  There are big fights, too, about bigger issues, but you won’t ever find me writing here about those.  It’s not out of dishonesty, or a desire to present this life as something more beautiful than it is.  If anything, our big battles have added to the beauty, because we’ve made it through them, still holding on.

And that’s what a “happy, hard-working” marriage looks like. Like a boat, battered and wind-blown, but with two haggard sailors still inside, resting and peaceful because they’ve navigated the perfect storm of money and in-laws and insecurity and anger, and have found the sun still shining on the other side.

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Norfolk, Part II

Today, I’m continuing my pictorial tour of our recent trip to Norfolk.  If you missed Part I, not to worry.

Next on our to-do list…

3. Go to Salthouse Beach.  Buy a really good Americano from the man with an espresso machine in his van (seriously). Sit on the pebble beach.  Realize your lifelong dream of finding an unbroken dried starfish.  Watch your child play.  Shed a little tear (really) at how completely and utterly blessed and loved you feel in this moment.

4. Drive to Holkham.  Walk to the beach that Gwyneth Paltrow strolled along in the final scene of Shakespeare in Love. Play in the sand.  Take a family photo.

Sometimes there’s so much to do, that going somewhere with no wifi and really bad mobile phone service is the only thing that can make you stop and remember that this – this – is your life.

Your husband.

Your son.

Staying up late watching football and eating chocolate.

Waking up early to your toddler, who has learned to copy his dad, shouting, “Faif!  Faif!”

Sitting on a beach with a cup of coffee for hours.  Shedding real tears because this moment is a gift, and you have done everything not to deserve it.

This life is beautiful.

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Filed under England, marriage, photography

Lessons in Marital Communication #312

This is a recurring conversation in our house.

 

Me: Simon, it’s “Coldplay IS a band.”  Not “Coldplay ARE a band.”  Singular.  They are ONE band.

Simon: Wrong.  They are a band.

Me: Excuse me.  I think I know.  I have a degree in English.

Simon: Faith, I am English.

 

Don’t tell him I said so, but he has a point.

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How to Fall in Love with Your Husband

When Simon and I got married five years ago, I couldn’t imagine a time when I wouldn’t think the sun rose and set in his dark brown eyes.

But five years down the line, when I’ve had a long day with Adlai, and his bike helmet and backpack are in the middle of the living room floor, and I’ve got yogurt on every item of clothing I’m wearing, and he wants to know if I picked up any milk today…well – it’s harder than it used to be.

It’s easy for me, because I’ve got quite a lot of alone time these days – time to think, to ponder – to fill that time with thoughts of what I wish he’d say, what he said last night, what he meant by it.  And if I’m not careful, I start to believe things that aren’t true about my husband.  Because my tiredness gets the better of me.  And it’s so easy to believe lies when you’re washing a thousand dishes.

Simon turned 30 last week, and for his birthday, I made a list of 30 things I love about him.  And y’all, the strangest thing happened.  As I sat here, thinking of all the wonderful things my husband has said to me, has done for me.  All the things we’ve walked through together.  All the belly laughs we’ve shared, and the tears we’ve cried together.  Well, the more of those things I thought of – the more I wrote down – the more came to me.  And before I knew it I was at number 30 and I could’ve gone on and on and on.

Because in the same way my bitter thoughts snowball into each other when my guard is down, when I remind myself of all he is, of all that he does for me, those things build on top of each other.  Negative begets negative; positive begets positive.

So my challenge to you now, or in those times you’re feeling worn down and struggling to muster up the love you thought would never run dry, is to sit down with a pen and paper and just make a list.

Start small if you need to.

I love that he makes the coffee in the mornings.

I love that he takes his dinner plate to the kitchen when he’s done.

And let each item bring to mind the next one.

I love that he takes Adlai to the park when he gets home from work.

I love that he calls Adlai “Sugar Plum Fairy.”

If this is hard for you, if you struggle to make your list, maybe you could do what a friend told me she did, and write down five statements about your husband, like this:

My husband makes good decisions.

My husband works hard to provide for our family.

My husband is bold in tough situations.

My husband is a good judge of character.

My husband is protective of me and my children.

And if you’re not feeling 100% convinced about any of those, don’t worry.

You know how God spoke creation into being?  You were made in His image, and that power is in you.  So speak the words out.  Say why you love him.  Say who he is.

And be amazed as you feel your heart soften toward him.

Be amazed as you watch him become what you believe him to be.

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30 Ways to Say I Love You

Thank you for excusing me yesterday.

I’m waiting on a couple of girls who are doing their dreams, but are so busy doing them, they haven’t gotten round to telling me about them!  I can absolutely relate, because hey, I’ve been crazy busy too, so I’ve got three tons (or tonnes, if you’re British) of grace for them.  They’ll be back soon!

So…guess who turned 30 yesterday?

You guessed it – Mr. Simon P. Dwight.

And, in honor of that gorgeous man, and just how much of a dream-come-true he is for me, I’m taking this opportunity to list 30 things I love about him.

Ready?  Here we go…

1. I love that he is freakishly good at random games like ping-pong, bowling, and darts.

2. I love that he’s a methodical reader.  He’s not a fast reader, but he’s committed.  He’s read all of the Harry Potter books, and every night – I mean EVERY NIGHT – he reads his daily Bible readings in bed.

3. I love that he makes way better omelettes than I do.

4. I love that he cleans the bathroom more than I do.

5. I love that he rides his bike to work every day – and still works out several times a week.

6. I love that he gets on the floor with Adlai after work every day, and makes him laugh so hard he can’t breathe.  And I love that it makes me laugh, too.

7. I love that I my head fits perfectly on his shoulder.

8. I love that he calls me “my little wife.” (At 5’10″, ain’t nothin’ about me little.)

9. I love that he loves the poor.

10. I looooooove his singing voice.

11. Heck, I love his talking voice. (British accents = sexy.)

12. I love that he has so much grace for me when I can barely hold my life together.

13. I love that he plans our budget every month.  Because someone has to do it, and I hate spreadsheets.

14. I love that he prayed me through every night of my depression four years ago.

15. I love that he believes in my writing, my photography.

16. I love that he had enough wisdom to turn down a job in acoustic engineering a year ago because he saw that God had changed his path, that he’d been called into a life of ministry.

17. I love that he likes to watch old episodes of The Office and Frasier over and over again.

18. I love that I’ve sucked him into numerous television shows he’d previously refused to watch: Downton Abbey, Glee, The Bachelor.

19. I love that he moved to America for me four years ago.

20. I love that he fell in love with my home, with my friends.

21. I love that he gets teary-eyed sometimes when he tells me about his grandparents.

22. I love that he is fiercely protective of his family.

23. I love that he knows all the words Skinnamarinky-dinky-dink.

24. I love that he gets the words wrong to just about every song on the radio.

25. I love that he always packs my birthday with “funtivities.”

26. I love how much he loves his friends.

27. I love that he always looks for the good in people, and…

28. I love that he is an amazing judge of character.

29. I love that he changes diapers, that he gets up at 5:30am, that he’s sometimes the only one who can get Adlai to go to sleep.

30. I love that I could think of another thirty things I love about him.

Simon Dwight, you have lived your first thirty years so well.  May the next thirty be just as full.

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Two Lovers

It was a big weekend in my little world.

On Saturday, I celebrated five years of wedded bliss with my gorgeous husband, and on Sunday, I celebrated the Most Important Day in History.

Two different reasons to celebrate, but with more in common than you might first think.

You see, Saturday was about celebrating five years with the Love of My Life; Sunday was about celebrating forever with the Lover of My Soul.

And, to continue the celebrations (because over the weekend I was mostly, well, celebrating), I thought I’d share with you five defining moments from the past five years.  Because really, any significant moment I’ve shared with Simon, I’ve shared with Jesus, too.

1. When I said “I do” to Simon, I said “I do” to my world being turned completely upside down, to saying goodbye to my friends and family, and – nearly as importantly – to Chick-fil-A and Krispy Kreme.  When we hugged my parents goodbye two weeks after our wedding and walked through the security gates at RDU, I was an emotional wreck.  Simon sat me down at our gate and held my hand, letting me cry on his shoulder.  And then he did something that made me feel utterly known and loved: He cried, too.

2. A year after we got married, we (surprise!) moved back to North Carolina for me to work at skirt! (I’m not that excited about it, the name actually has an exclamation point after it). We knew it could take a few weeks for Simon’s green card to come through, but the magazine wanted me to start, so I went ahead.  It took FOUR MONTHS for Simon to get his visa. By the time he arrived, I was stressed at work and dealing with some pretty severe anxiety attacks. I will always be incredibly grateful to Simon for the gentle, patient, selfless way he handled me during that time.  I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for him to see his bubbly, confident wife in such a state, but he never made me feel like I was a burden to him.

3. On April 7th, 2010 – our third anniversary – we found out we were having a baby and, while it was what I wanted most in the world, I was totally freaked out.  We had just moved back to England and had no house, no car, and no jobs.  Simon’s mantra during this time was “Everything is going to be okay.”  I’m not sure he was totally believing it himself at that point, but he faked it. For me.  And guess what?  Everything was okay.

4. If you haven’t had a baby in England, you may not know about something glorious they give you while you’re in labour, called gas and air.  I was sucking that stuff down during my contractions, and as great as it was (and it so was), I don’t think anything helped me through my labour (ie, the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my whole dang life) more than Simon reminding me over and over again how proud he was of me.

5. When I came home from work a few months ago and told Simon I wanted to quit my job and become self-employed, he barely even blinked.  I wouldn’t have blamed him if he’d said, “No way.”  But he believes in me, and to be honest, a lot of days, that’s what gives me the courage I need to chase after these wild dreams.

But my wildest dream, the one I dreamed for 25 years, came true when I married my best friend.

Want to know more about how Simon and I got together?  Knock yourself out.

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