When Simon and I got married five years ago, I couldn’t imagine a time when I wouldn’t think the sun rose and set in his dark brown eyes.
But five years down the line, when I’ve had a long day with Adlai, and his bike helmet and backpack are in the middle of the living room floor, and I’ve got yogurt on every item of clothing I’m wearing, and he wants to know if I picked up any milk today…well – it’s harder than it used to be.
It’s easy for me, because I’ve got quite a lot of alone time these days – time to think, to ponder – to fill that time with thoughts of what I wish he’d say, what he said last night, what he meant by it. And if I’m not careful, I start to believe things that aren’t true about my husband. Because my tiredness gets the better of me. And it’s so easy to believe lies when you’re washing a thousand dishes.
Simon turned 30 last week, and for his birthday, I made a list of 30 things I love about him. And y’all, the strangest thing happened. As I sat here, thinking of all the wonderful things my husband has said to me, has done for me. All the things we’ve walked through together. All the belly laughs we’ve shared, and the tears we’ve cried together. Well, the more of those things I thought of – the more I wrote down – the more came to me. And before I knew it I was at number 30 and I could’ve gone on and on and on.
Because in the same way my bitter thoughts snowball into each other when my guard is down, when I remind myself of all he is, of all that he does for me, those things build on top of each other. Negative begets negative; positive begets positive.
So my challenge to you now, or in those times you’re feeling worn down and struggling to muster up the love you thought would never run dry, is to sit down with a pen and paper and just make a list.
Start small if you need to.
I love that he makes the coffee in the mornings.
I love that he takes his dinner plate to the kitchen when he’s done.
And let each item bring to mind the next one.
I love that he takes Adlai to the park when he gets home from work.
I love that he calls Adlai “Sugar Plum Fairy.”
If this is hard for you, if you struggle to make your list, maybe you could do what a friend told me she did, and write down five statements about your husband, like this:
My husband makes good decisions.
My husband works hard to provide for our family.
My husband is bold in tough situations.
My husband is a good judge of character.
My husband is protective of me and my children.
And if you’re not feeling 100% convinced about any of those, don’t worry.
You know how God spoke creation into being? You were made in His image, and that power is in you. So speak the words out. Say why you love him. Say who he is.
And be amazed as you feel your heart soften toward him.
Be amazed as you watch him become what you believe him to be.
Faith – this is awesome. Thank you!
Thanks Jennifer! I’m so glad you liked it. It caught me by surprise what making that list did in my heart…
Thank you for this.
This is hands down one of my favourite ever blogs that you have written!
Wonderful, and soo true. I remember a friend saying when one of her marriage counselors has a hard time and is frustrated by the small things, he reminds himself how much he loves his wife by simply saying aloud to himself “i love marriage, i love my wife.” Sometimes it’s so horrible where our minds can drift and simple truths are the best remedy. x
Love this! Thank you!
Faith! I’m so proud to know you. This is good.
God prompted me to make that list for my husband’s 60th birthday and as you said, I still could have added more. He was undone by it! A wise woman builds her house, as she is led by the Lord. A foolish woman wants her own way and selfishly tears down what has been given to her.
Amazing work of written perfection! I’m going to write 25 things I love about me! Ha, just kidding!
Love it Faith. You have such a gift with words x
Muy bien! Very good!
Your blog is being shared all over facebook. Great blog-very wise, and written so well.
I’m going to make a 30 (plus 4 months) list….
I’ve always known that God brings people into your life for a reason, I love reading your blogs and seeing your pictures, they always bring a smile to my face.
I know that I am truly blessed that I can boast about a 30 year marriage, with that being said… over the years small things can get irritating. I think that this is a wonderful activity to do for any occasion. Makes those small irritating things, even smaller. : )
Stu and I just celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary on May 15th, the day after Simon’s 30th birthday, ( happy late birthday Simon
Brilliant love it so well written so inspiring
oopsy left out p in campbell!!!
I don’t know you but saw this as a link on a friends FB page. I love your heart and all that you have written! We have been married 32 years and It was my husbands 60th birthday last year. I wrote out ’60 reasons why I love you’ as part of his present! (It could have been his 100th birthday for all the things I was able to put!!) We all have our ‘moments’ when things get tough but there is a wonderful verse in Thessolonians 5 ‘In everything give thanks……….’ Thanks for sharing!!
Thanks for the encouragement. This is a great idea.
You will never know how much I needed to read this RIGHT at this moment!!
I love this post. Powerful thoughts and a great tip. Thank you!
Thank you! I kind of love it too…
Thank you! Over 30 years of marriage, have found this to be so true to give thanks. It softens my heart and grows our love even stronger and releases my husband to be the great man he is.
Sweet! Thanks for commenting, Lesley.
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lovely!!
I fell back in love with my husband by the time I wad done reading this! Thank you so very much for saving my marriage.
Really awesome! I want to love my husband again and coming across this site couldnt have happened at a better time.
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Thank you for this article,specifically can you tackle one on infidelity? How do i keep loving my partner when he has cheated on me, betrayed my trust in him and in our love. When he has lain and shared not only his body but also his soul and deep thoughts with another, not once but twice. How can i muster up the love i once felt? I just feel dead. I do not hate him but I am so dead inside. I hate his girlfriend passionately (perhaps afraid to extent that hatred to him). Please write something about this. I am at the end… I am a christian and don’t want to leave, but feel no motivation to stay…. Help me.